A Weight in My Heart: Life As An Empath (Part I)

I decided to turn this into a series of blog posts, considering there’s so much material I can cover. My Empath series will cover not only information about my personal journey, but references to written work by other people I find beneficial (credited when applicable.)

An Empath. I never released I was one as a child, but then again, who understands their own mind until they learn the terminology and explanations for it? After a woman on my Facebook introduced me to the concept of Indigo Children, reading my soul in such depth I was left breathless, I began doing a lot of research into things. I can’t help myself – I love reading, learning, dissecting and analysing. Through this, I discovered what an Empath was, and pieces of myself began to ring true.

The textbook definition of an Empath is someone who can feel what other’s feel. This is accomplished, in most cases, by ‘absorbing’ someone else’s emotions and experiencing them inside yourself. When the person you are near is sad, you feel the sadness too.

I can ramble on about stuff you probably know, and if you don’t, I will provide beneficial links below on information that helped me understand myself better. What this will be is about how I’ve experienced my Empath abilities, and important lessons I’ve learned.

Growing up in a dysfunctional childhood far greater than I can pen in this post, I had to grow up fast. My Mum was dealing with a lot on her plate; I never had to raise myself, no, she was always there for me as a parent should be. Except I, as a mere child, had to be a comfort and support to her. Through this, being an Empath is most strongest around her. When she’s in a bad mood, even if it’s not directed at me, I become a sourpuss. When she’s feeling okay, I can tell. I can finish off her sentences, know what she’s about to say before she even says it, and indeed – sense her emotions. Whatever I can do, in the vicinity of her, it’s at its strongest.

Most recently, it was a visit to the animal shelter. We were giving donations of food and fabrics; they were in need of bedding. The minute I stepped into the building, I could feel it. I can’t truly describe what the experience was like. Have you ever stood in the ocean, about thigh deep? You can feel the ebb and flow of the waves against your body. Back… And forth… Back… And forth… It pushes against you, it pulls you with it. You can remain standing, but the motion is there.

Animals have emotions, and I will defy anyone who tries to refute this. There was sadness in the air. Anxiety. Fear. Some animals I walked past, especially this one cat, felt so bruised I nearly broke down in tears. I’ll never know what that cat experienced, and frankly, I don’t want to. It hurt me to the deepest of my core, especially seeing it huddled in the back of the cage.

The dogs were a mixture. Some were completely oblivious to their surroundings and had this weird sense of excitement at just seeing a human. It was as if I tossed them an imaginary ball, and they had to go catch it. You could visually see that energy, bouncing up and down, barking ecstatically. It was amusing, if I say so myself.

In the carpark, I made an inner remark to myself. “Why… Peace?” I was bewildered. All this crazy, mixed up emotion had left me physically exhausted (it was also a very humid day, gross.) This was something I only felt when cemetery walking, which I love to do from time to time. It felt like souls who had moved on to the next life. A goodbye of happy memories attached to the remains that were laid to rest. “I’m gone, but I’ll always be here in your heart, my loved one.”

Something out the corner of my eye piqued my interest. A pretty arbour leading into a garden, decorated by stones and plaques. I read one of the inscriptions closest to our car. It was a memorial cemetery for pets, most from shelter volunteers, who were laid to rest.

I was so emotionally moved walking through the gardens with my Mum, reading the plaques and feeling this peace, I nearly ended up crying again. I wasn’t only touched on the Empath level, I thought this was a beautiful idea as a way of giving proper rest to a member of the family.

I spent the rest of the day, wondering about this, feeling the surrealism of this. It had been a long time since my Empath abilities had kickstarted so potently – for awhile, I just soaked up only negativity. My own emotional problems combined with those around me, and I became a very horrible person because of this. It’s something I’ve had to work on… More in another post.

When we’re young, especially trying to balance our lives between who we are and what society wants us to be (don’t lie, young ones, we all go through peer pressure and feeling like we must follow the herd), we forget the most important thing. Caring for our health – mental, physical, spiritual and emotional. As Empaths, we not only deal with our own problems, but everyone else’s. The two can intermingle so easily, if we’re not careful. Gaining the upper hand and control over it means peeling back the layers of our own emotional skin.
Part 2 in the future!

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Empath information worthy of reading:
Mama Indigo’s Empath 101
The Mind Unleashed’s 30 Empath Traits
Bella Spark’s Living With An Empathic